Marthas Wig

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Suddenly another waiter turns up to take our order. He does so without a notebook. He goes away to the till.

It goes flying and I almost hit the deck. Our waiter looks on. So, anyway, the waiter gets the order right and some of the food is great and some is calamitous. Crab croquettes are nothing of the sort.

There is no supporting creamy medium like a bechamel. They are almost entirely fresh crab, with lots of chilli, which is exactly what you want. An iceberg wedge with blue cheese and bacon is a reminder that this much maligned lettuce still has a role in our lives. Main courses are equally hit and miss.

The hit is the New York Strip, a seared sirloin steak served the right side of both pink and Old Testament bible thick.

'The Americans' Will Answer Some of Your Burning Wig Questions

It comes with a creamy peppercorn sauce which appears to have been completely blitzed. There are no peppercorns. Instead there is a massive hit of white pepper. Unlike the cauliflower risotto, which is a salty, acrid mess of failed vegetal matter. There is no live jazz. A couple of chaps in Diane von Furstenberg-style jump suits, with impeccable smoky eye makeup and pageboy wigs, flounce around the tables, giving it fabulous.

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A waiter plonks the lemon meringue pie on the table. No floor show for us, then. It is exactly as you might imagine a lemon meringue pie that arrived in the restaurant in a white cardboard box might taste. Some of the food does the thing, and while the dear staff might not quite be getting the direction they need, they meant well. Yeah, I know.

These really are the excuses we make for a much-loved friend, whom we know is a car crash. Oh come on Martha; please just sort yourself out. You have it in you to be very special.

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Recently it was forced to leave its home of 40 years after a group led by Robert De Niro announced plans to turn the building into a hotel. And it still does the thing. It serves one of the best Caesar salads in London, the burger remains off menu and it understands pecan pie joeallen.

Looking Forward to Your Future

Thanks to the wonderful people at Lacey's, you too can have Martha Stewart's amazing hair. Simply pull up your hair, put it up underneath, and pin the wig in place.

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Since this wig comes in a variety of colors, you can coordinate it with any and all of your styles. Plus, the quality fibers make it easy for you to wash and wear your wig again and again. All Lacey products are shipped direct from Lacey's warehouse.

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Lacey cannot provide real-time inventory to its distributors so we cannot guarantee in-stock availability. Lacey reserves the right to substitute for an equal or greater quality item of similar style, should this item be out of stock. In order to expedite your order, this item may ship separately from other items via UPS ground at no additional charge.